Power Wheelchairs, Star Tours And The "500" Platform: Taking The Road Car Concept Into The Future...

This year, I didn't plan-on picking anyone's brain; 2015 was a year for personal vision. But this was a frustrating process, because I was growing-apart from my family. I never meant for that to happen, but because none of us seem to know how, effectively, to communicate our frustrations, we bicker instead!

For myself, it's not pleasurable. But I do get to a point, where I can not visually show--my parents and others--what it is that I have in mind. So this is a blog, but this is also my "love letter" to the aftermarket. I need your help, because my dad does a decent job of teaching me what he knows, but his resources and mine are just not enough, at least for a custom build.

Nobody in my social circle, including myself, will be able to do this financially. But what my "sketch" is essentially representing, is a disabled-accessible platform, but one that is based on a pre-existing road car.

Here's why I use that phrase: muscle car refers to Chevelles and things like that. There's nothing wrong with that platform, except that what used to be a $25-30k Chevelle is now a $100k+ muscle build. This is mainly due to a need for adaptive equipment, and that will end up cutting-into an original, factory-certified muscle car.

With a kit car, or "road car," it's expensive. One thing I will grant everyone who reads this blog, is that by the time either the "Permobil 500" or Cobra-based, "CSX500" are completed, either would be a $250-300k, one-off car. Either is to be a custom, and either is to cater to the physically-challenged, yet higher-functioning enthusiast.

Included in this blog are some nice-quality shots of what the finished result could look like. But what I want people to really see, is that these cars can cost as much as any conventional hot rod, and that's still under the assumption that you're trying to make the car/vehicle accessible. Take a look at the overall sketch, and I think that it will start to make sense...

What Is The "Permobil CSX500," And What Separates It From Other Prototypes?!

During the early part of the 1960s, Carroll Shelby found himself in the midst of a construction project. That "construction project" would become the legendary A/C Cobra, and it would become America's greatest road car.

But during the very initial stages of that build, Shelby was in a state of limbo, mostly between GM and Ford. Truthfully, Carroll had hoped to stuff a Chevrolet small-block into his first sports car, but GM, always wanting to suffocate the "Shadetree Mechanics" of the world, would have nothing to do with a man who built door-slammers, especially when that door-slammer was one that threatened to undermine the entire, second generation of Corvettes, and with the very small-block V-8 that made GM's sportster into a competitor.

It's understandable why General Motors and the "Big 3" don't want to share their goods; that part of their history repeated itself with Buick in the 1980s, and this is why the turbo Regal lineup never became as advertised as other GM performance makes. That's why the 3.8 motor was so severely underrated, by the time Garrett starting building intercooled turbos. Likewise, this is why Tesla Motors will not just sell running gears, to any "hot rod Harry" who wants to build a Roadster. Believe that, because if that was the case, then literally every performance buff at Supercar Sunday would be shoehorning Tesla's stuff into their Superformance Cobras, and with the way the motoring community is, you better believe that an idea like that would catch on, and quick!

What would that mean for automakers like Buick and Tesla? Go back to Tesla Motors; if their DC motors were truly "open-sourced," then Shelby American, Factory Five, Superformance and every other kit car manufacturer would be using their stuff. Tesla doesn't want people to build hot rods and one-offs from a running gear that they've created, and for good reason; how much of a rebellion would there be, within the luxury-performance market, if Tesla Motors lost money, just because all of these knuckleheads in the rod-and-custom community decided to start doing things their way?!

Think about it: a Mk. III Cobra from Superformance is a ground-up kit car that can be had for $95-100k; a Model S sedan runs for anywhere from $70-125k. You can build a Superformance Daytona or GT40 for anywhere from $90k, all the way up to $150k and over; for 2016, Tesla Motors projects that their Model X crossover will start at a baseline of $80-85k, and that's without the leather interior, roof rack and whatever bottle of champagne Tesla decides to throw-in. Otherwise, you're buying an expensive kit car, and from a store front, so that it gives you that illusion that you really are buying something that's "regular-production," even though Tesla "salon showcases" everything that they do.

Now what about the physically-challenged enthusiast, and I'm not talking about some guy with drool in his mouth, because most developmentally-disabled people are simply not. Actually, there are a great many of us out there, who would love nothing more than to spend $95-150k on a bad-ass kit car. It's not important, but here's what is: being able to get around, and with Uber implementing their "WAV" program this year, they've achieved that!

In addition to Uber WAV, we have Access Paratransit, and that's a service that's been in operation, here in Los Angeles, since 1994. For me, I just feel like it's way more important to build paratransit networks and taxi services for the challenged community, then it is to simply throw everything out that's useful, and try building a "Shelby Cobra" for a guy with mild CP, or a spinal chord injury.

Take for instance, Aaron Baker. Is it important, for a guy like Baker, to be able to make dirt bikes accessible? Not really, because no one needs a dirt bike, just like no one needs a Shelby Cobra and no one needs a "ZL1 Camaro" either!

That's like me saying, "I like women, but I don't 'need to' sleep with the hottest chick in the neighborhood!" Look, personally...I don't need to be sleeping with no "supermodels," especially since I am permanently disabled. But let's face it: I want to hump on a good-looking chick anyway, because I have a penis in-between my legs and I can; we call that, "being human!" In the same way that people with disabilities, who do not share mine and Aaron's "chakra scale," also like to slam tequila, watch porn and blow-up fireworks, and throughout the '90s and early-2000s, our friends and family weren't getting any of this!

Guess what?! They're not going to, my dad and his dad will not and they should not, until I bring home Miranda Cosgrove. Until then, you simply will not be taken seriously, as a man!

For this reason, I am proposing a new variation on an old classic, but the twist is that it has to be accessible. My personal friend and designer, Greg Rainsbarger is currently working, from San Bernardino, California, to design, what we call, the "Permobil CSX500," what would prove to be the market's first legitimate road car, based on a disabled-friendly platform.

While we do not yet know whether the production CSX will be fiberglass or aluminum-bodied, we are guessing that the costs of fiberglass will be significantly-less, and what we're in the process of establishing, is whether or not we will be able to build the platform accessible enough, to where it could accommodate the disabled drivers and their mobility devices.

Each unit should run for about $100-150k, will feature a standard joystick and will be manufactured by Superformance of Irvine, California, and as a licensed-and-certified, Superformance product.

Our initial concept sketch is currently under construction, and as soon as it's dialed-in, Greg and I will be open-sourcing it online. As of right now, there's not a lot that we know for sure, because we are amateurs. But if there's one thing that Greg and I have agreed on, it's that the Permobil CSX500, solely as a prototype, will open the doors for a brand new market of enthusiasts.

Even as I put this document together, a funny thought comes to my mind: "If you're going to argue with a 'stoner' who's educated, you're going to lose!" That's because I went into the whole design with a "cartoon" mindset, not being stupid about it or anything, but just visionary enough to make the very thought molecule into a reality.

People are going to chastise me when I say it, so I'll say it anyway: Whenever you build something that's new, like Shelby's Cobra or Disney's "Magic Kingdom," think like a stoner! I'm not suggesting that people use drugs; I'm suggesting that they keep their heads straight, and think like a professional stoner. Here's what that means: if you think that an attraction like "Star Tours" is too outrageous for Disneyland, then it probably is, and that's why George Lucas made it happen!

If you think that forming a real rock band, based on an inter dimensional being is far-fetched, then form that rock band; it was outrageous in the '70s, it's outrageous even today, and that's why Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley did it anyway. Because the more outrageous that the project becomes, and with the right timing, the more of a "bar" or "standard" that it sets.

We're in America, we're here and we're human; for a project like this, the disabled community has waited long enough!

Alaimo Motors Salon...What It Is To Be A Disabled Gearhead!!!

Starting in 2013, but even before then, I began what would become an extensive research project. My whole life, I was like the "Luigi Lavazza" of automotive, traveling everywhere in search of the best in design, while my dad, founder of Westside Collision, was the business expert.

If you've been watching TV lately, then you have no doubt heard the Lavazza Coffee jingles. Truth be told, they're some of the most beautiful commercials I've seen in years, but they always carry the same slogan, "In life, there is always more to taste!"

Growing-up, my dad's slogan for success was, and still is, a great one: Be what you are! Lately however, I've been finding that Mr. Lavazza and my own father have something in common: they're both looking to taste the "better flavors" of life.

That's why I came up with the idea behind my very first, supercar creation: the "CSX500." Because people kept asking me, if you're disabled and trying to tap into the motoring market, then what makes you different?

The more research that I did into the able-bodied community, the more I found that they were right and I was wrong: hand controls and other adaptations can be bolted-on to nearly any vehicle, but there has never been a motoring venue/label geared toward the challenged community, and with the disabled gearhead in mind.

It took a while for me to see, but the more that I looked into it, the more that I realized that I wasn't building a car or starting a company...I was creating my own insignia.

That's what Alaimo Motors is, and if it can't exist as a real company or entity, then maybe it could simply get its start as an idea, and I think that's the hardest part of any endeavor!

XK-1: A Supercar Built By A Disabled Enthusiast!

In 2010, I had asked a cousin for some help on a creative project, and because it was automotive-related, I knew that that cousin was not going to want to help-out. Welcome to my mom's side of the family; no one ever lends a shoulder to anyone, unless there's something in return!

That's people though, and once I moved-out on my own in 2008, I realized something that was taught me by one of my sister's old boyfriends: in life, you have very few "friends." That language translated to the automotive craft, starting in 2011. During the fall of that year, I obtained my very first job as an automotive journalist.

My dad is the most educated car guy I've ever met; he's also one of the least informed! That's not saying that he doesn't know things; he just doesn't know things from a physically-challenged perspective, and that's where I come in!

I was born in February of 1984 with arthrogryposis. There's nothing extraordinary about that, and "AMC" is even a condition that you can Google. Here's the dilemma: me and my people are car people, but I'm physically-disabled, kind of a jacked niche, but also kind of a sexy one in that it is "jacked!" Think about it: the crippled kid wants to be "Carroll Shelby," but he can't even manage a flipping mini van! Um...is there anyone recognizing a potential market here besides me, or have I really lost that many brain cells, while creating this document?!

When I say "my people," I'm referring to my able-bodied social network; figure that one out! I'm talking mom, dad, baby nephew...every spaghetti eater in my family just happens to be a gearhead, but I'm the only one who's permanently disabled.

Being disabled doesn't mean lower-functioning; it just means that every woman who I date has to maneuver around my power chair, and I gotta hope that all of my bus transfers are on time. That's not the end of the world either, but it places demands on the whole synchronization concept.

Then I thought, with all of the circuitry that we have available, on our power chairs, why is there not a car like that, and if so, why isn't there one geared toward a disabled enthusiast?!

Presenting the "XK-1," the first legitimate road car to be built with a challenged enthusiast in mind. It's also the first to incorporate a real, sports car design into an adaptive frame, and it could be the investment of 2016.

Donate today: https://www.gofundme.com/ma4zmndn

What Is SmartVan Paratransit, And Why Should It Become A Reality?

At this point in the game, CORE Centers, in Northridge, California has stated that Uber will be expanding into the disabled-access market. I am not sure as to details yet, but I imagine that the company change will involve buying more accessible vans.

But who knows if Uber, as a dial-a-ride, will be able to cater to the physically-challenged community; there have already been rumors afloat, regarding Uber's structural integrity. I don't feel like it's the most sound system possible, and it even scares me that Uber only has an online location, and not a physical one.

Let's face it: the web is a great invention, but businesses like Uber, that hope to capitalize off of the e-verse, need to follow the model that CORE does: combine the two sides of the coin. The point behind having access to the Internet was never to make our world completely virtual; the web itself is merely a networking tool.

So with SmartVan Paratransit, this will basically be like Uber, but exclusively for the higher-functioning, physically disabled community. In this instance, "higher-functioning" refers to guys like Aaron Baker, who suffer disabilities, but are able to travel to better-paying jobs, along with nicer recreational venues, like fine dining and live concerts.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out: disability is something that exists across a spectrum. Some people can do certain things that others can not; CORE Centers and life, in general, have taught me these values.

So what would SmartVan's selling point be? Two things: first, the business layout, second...the choice of vehicle. This fall, Tesla Motors has begun to leak-out their very first, Model X crossovers. What makes SmartVan different from every other paratransit, however, is that as Tesla builds, SmartVan builds, meaning that our company will build a paratransit service around the Model X platform, and literally as the company is leaking them out.

Also, SmartVan is seeking to open its very first office in the San Fernando Valley, right next door to CORE Centers. This is another selling point behind SmartVan, that by opening it next door to a disabled wellness center, we would essentially be making the whole thing into a giant wellness hub, and specifically for this community.

I know that everybody is scared of Uber right now, and other disabled community members have even created that rumor, that Uber is seeking to take over Access Paratransit, which I can tell you right now is just not going to happen, because Access is a subsidized service, where Uber is private.

Not only this, but Access and Uber use conventional cars, and they don't have a showroom or central office that works as a classroom. Tesla does, and when SmartVan does start to take off as a business, it hopes to build a central office in Northridge, that will likewise function as a "classroom," using informational aesthetics to tell people the story behind the idea.

Tesla crossovers, electric charging stations, web connectivity all the way around...all combined with an office that would expand into a chain, and every time you visit a SmartVan location to reserve your ride, you have fun while you're doing it.

TV personality, Fred Rogers once said that children need to be at play, because non-serious play is an integral part of some very serious learning. That's Mr. Rogers in a nutshell, and as silly as that may sound, maybe that spirit of play-and-adventure need be incorporated into a paratransit company.

Call me a visionary, or simply refer to me as unrealistic; either way, I'll take that criticism! I consider myself to be the kind of person, who just knows when his idea is a stupid one. In this case, however, the challenged community needs something a little different.

So we do have a fundraiser set-up, and while money is not the goal here, we're going to need a lot of it if we are to make this into a real business, and as far as me and my guys are concerned, we already have our first location in mind.

Drink in the vision behind SmartVan, understand what it is...and maybe there really will prove to be angel investors out there who see what I see.

Google's looking to take over the Internet eventually, and Uber is expanding into an adaptive market; why not invest in a company that spares no expense, and for the physically-disabled?!

Google Fiber: Possibly The World's Next Trillion-Dollar Industry?!

 In 2015, it seemed like a "slice of the pie" was something metaphorical which, for some, became obtainable. Here's why: Starting around '08, we fell into a recession; guess what? It's not the first time that it's ever happened in America, and it won't be the last!

But that's a blessing in disguise. Why? Because if you're on MediCal and suddenly they take away your doctor visits, you become fat and unclean. What's the plan of action? Go to Roebeck's, Subway, your grocery store...wherever! Start juicing, do the cardio...you know the drill!

So why are investments any different? For the last 2,000 years, we've blamed Walt Disney, the "Illuminati," the Mafia, anyone. Why not blame ourselves?! Me and a lot of my friends have been streaming music through Pandora since at least 2009; when was the best time to invest in that market? Put it to you this way, Pandora Media says it's been around for 10 years already. Ten years ago, a lot of us didn't know Pandora, or if it was even publicly available as a service. That right there would have been the perfect time to invest, so if projections show that Pandora stock is only bouncing between $11-17.80 per share, and from 2010 to the present, then that means that most of us have already lost the game, or at least in terms of web radio stock.

That's all just for fun anyway, but what I've been asking myself, Aaron Baker and others this year, is what exactly is that "trillion-dollar industry" that the BS banner ads are saying exists, within the walls of Bill Gates' mansion? And then I said to myself, "No way; that must be nanotechnology!" Sometimes I envision my nephew, along with other kids his age, living in a world where the computer is a part of the body, in a sense. Then you say, "Cool, just chip them all!" You say that...until you read about Google's latest endeavor.

So I am a writer and not a financial analyst; I can't really tell you, for sure, that Google Fiber is that next trillion-dollar industry, but if it is, then my advice to Warren Buffett and the big wigs, is that at a rate of $612-20 per share, buy and then buy again! Because I'm on SSI, so it would kill a guy like me to do this. But I'm pretending, right now, that I'm set sail with the captain, Warren Buffett. And what I would say to Mr. Buffett: Sir, I hope that you would buy at least $400-500k in this stock. Because if it's true that you're investing $6.5 million in 2015, then where exactly are you spending?

I don't even need to tell Warren Buffett, Nolan Bushnell or even my own father, CEO of Westside Collision in Lancaster, about what it is to invest in Google. Now for myself, I simply will not do it.

Regardless, I will say that Google Fiber, the company's proposed internet network, will expand if it gets its way. That means that we're looking at a whole new kind of monopoly, an electronic one; Apple becomes the gestapo of everything computer, Tesla is the country's automaker and Google would serve as the mainframe for the world.

That's kind of how it's coming together right now, if you've been following Silicon Valley over the last few business years. Look at the way that business is cutting-together right now: Apple makes a better computer than anyone, Tesla Motors is violently threatening to undermine the car market, and Google? In the eyes of the Charismatic Church, they just may be the Antichrist!

But is that true?! To simply throw criticisms to the wind, whether they are ours or others, and say that Google is taking over the world, without giving back?!

I'm not sure about that nowadays, and if it's true that Fiber's offering web service, at a rate of 1,000 megabits per second, then it will eventually become a standard. Obviously not right now, because the service is only available in 9 cities. Then again, in 2013, Tesla said that they would have most of their charging grid built by 2015-16; as of this moment, there are currently 508 Tesla "Supercharger" stations, from one coast to the next.

Google Fiber will expand beyond comprehension, and while I could be wrong, I doubt it. My dad raised me a gearhead, and then I learned computers on my own; not long after I proposed the "P85-R" idea to Tesla, the company released the P85D version of the Model S. With 700-horsepower, in an electric car and with all-wheel?! Um...yeah! I fell in love with the 1991 GMC Syclone when I was 18, and it used all-wheel drive with forced induction! No shit, we had these ideas eons ago!

Back in the early '90s, a lot of disabled kids like myself used to pull wheel stands on their power chairs. For us, it was a given that electric runs better than gas, but no one would've imagined a company like Tesla expanding, and at such a rate!

Try to visualize Google Fiber the same way; if our nation and others decide to adopt it as our world's internet protocol, then everyone needs to buy now, in anticipation of 2020...

Research And Development 101: Go Karts And The Disabled...What Does Motoring Teach Us About Ourselves And Others?!

Recently, a female family member, who, for the sake of this segment will remain unnamed, had expressed to me her hurt feelings over some things that had happened a few years in hindsight.

During that conversation, this family member had taken the time to communicate to me and one other, that her feelings had been hurt, first, by yours truly, second, by the rest of the family who had taken that piece of data and made a laughing stock out of it. The event in question was one that had happened somewhere between 2009-10, but as for the conversation in question...that took place just a few days before the blog that you are reading was published.

First, what I took from that conversation is the same data, the same overall idea that Aaron Baker, Elliott Hulse and others had been trying to tell me for nearly 3 years: everyone is fragile, and everyone is easy to break. As for "Sal," he is not above that, "Aaron Baker" and "Elliott Hulse" are easy to break as well.

Here's what I learned from Aaron Baker, Gary Custer and others: If you're going to get involved with, motorsports, for example, then it's going to be easy for every single person to cry like a little bitch; this morning, before I wrote this blog, I myself, who wants so much to be "the Fonz," sat in the corner and cried like a little bitch. That's embarrassing, but hey...it happens!

I cried like a little bitch because that's pretty much how I feel every morning that I wake up. But you know something? It really is a blessing in disguise to feel that way sometimes, because when you're in that much of a rut, that's when you start to write blogs like this one.

Whenever you're involved with motorsports on a non-professional level, there's not too much research 'n development involved, or "RND." Right now, as I am writing this in June of 2015, my sister is taking care of my baby nephew, who will be turning 3 next month. As a first-time uncle, I have to do a little time-traveling and think for the future.

There will be a time when little Gionni will not be so little, and that's when he'll learn how to drive. For me, it's not necessary to pull out a stats sheet just to get together and build a street car with my nephew. But once that kid gets enrolled into "karting academy" and gets ready to suit-up, no matter how he may bitch-and-cry, that kid's going to have to learn the concepts of timing, and how it's important to check score sheets once you're done.

And even for me and Aaron, grown men with or without physical challenges, these same general principles apply. What seems to be the problem is the mentality, the mindset...but that's why we have numbers and outputs, because at the end of the day, numbers really do tell all. Aaron looks like he's going pretty fast whenever I go with him and CORE to MB2 Raceway. But what impresses me, his fiancee or anyone else are the numbers that show-up on the timesheets.

My scores, my lap times are so weak in comparison to Aaron's; at MB2's, I'm currently down to a 31.5-second lap time, where Aaron is in the 19s or whatever. If you look at some of MB2's most competitive racers, they are literally running at about 50 miles per hour, with 18-20 second lap times.

But here's the thing: my uncle is a good bodyman, my dad has done it professionally since 1980...but I know a lot more about Ultimas and McLarens than do my dad or uncle, but the both of them can smoke me on paint-and-body, while I'm still the fastest kart racer and Aaron Baker is the most bad-ass dirt biker. But that goes back to last year's conversation with the guy from GNC about fitness: you really can't have it all!

It was the guy who was selling me my protein snacks from GNC who told me one day, "Bro, I spent some of my life trying to get fit, but now because making money is my goal, I don't have time for the gym!" That same language can be translated to the karting scene at MB2's. Aaron had told me one day in his office at CORE, after I had asked him about bike racing at Kamikaze, "You know what it is, bro; you're a 'drag racer!'"

I didn't really know what Aaron had meant by that, but I figured it out pretty quick once I got into karts. Again, you look at Aaron Baker, you look at Sam Schmidt: these guys are better in road-racing than myself, Italian-American who has the "Grand National" logo tattooed on his left arm.

But that's because I'm a drag-racer; what do I know about going fast through corners? But then you take Neftali Valdez, who is my in-home provider. Dude only runs 27-28 second laps, and he's able-bodied! So what's his excuse?

That's why when opening this blog, which is really one about MB2's and go karts, I used my own family as an analogy. Because that family member had really had their feelings hurt, and this was a person who, for years, I had visualized as being unbreakable, the same way I had viewed able-bodied friends and family my whole life.

Truthfully, I liked being a jerk growing up; since I was disabled, I thought it was okay to mistreat other family members because they weren't. The way I always visualized my own parents, my sister who is my only sibling, is that they are bigger and better than me anyways, so why bother to consider theirs or anyone's feelings? After all, they can take the abuse, where guys like me and Nick Sapon are not able.

One thing Sapon and I had in common, growing-up, is that we would have done anything to break our mothers' hearts; who were they to practice "witchcraft," while guys like me and Nick couldn't get ahead?!

But this is what you learn from go-karting, and from automotive in general, even across genres: Not everyone can have the same abilities, and not everyone can yield the same results. My father, the owner of Westside Collision in Lancaster, California, could probably get along with Aaron Baker, Gary Custer...pretty much anyone in that circle about off-road and karting. But I can talk about turbo Buicks for 8 hours, write a volume on them....while my brother-in-law is an ace mechanic when it comes to everything VTec.

In this life, you just don't know what strengths and weaknesses other people may possess. I mean, look at that family member who said that her feelings were hurt, by me and by others. This woman, who is so outspoken and attractive, was not as strong as I was emotionally.

I wasn't expecting that, but I think this may be why it was/is so important for me to be a part of MB2 and CORE, because both of these experiences made me realize that every person on earth will get hurt sometime, but that's even more the reason why you can't be rough with others, even if you are disabled. Don't think that your friends and family are bigger then you are, because when we go back to that conversation about laps at MB2 Raceway, what did we say about numbers and statistics? We established that those are the data entries that tell all, and about everyone.

On the day that my grandmother died in January of 2009, she didn't take the "Park Avenue" or the Lexus with her. In fact, by the time the woman was sick, she couldn't speak for herself on a lot of things. But God bless her, on the day of her funeral, she had "Bicycle World" and the Catholic saints blasted all over her casket.

She went into the ground with a poem written by her grandson, yours truly. What that tells me is that Grandma was a woman who had a lot of things to be grateful for. Business, friends...for all the money that my grandfather made, his fanbase just didn't quite equal grandma's!

But this is my fault too, because I'm not the nicest guy in the world, and Grandma was the one who taught me to be a nice guy. She would set Grandpa straight on any day, and that's because she was real! But then I guessed the reason that she liked me is because I liked keeping it real. I don't think she would've liked me very much, however, if I would've went around trying to be someone who I'm not.

So again, getting involved with MB2 Raceway taught me that that's what life really is; opportunity is not for everyone, and not everyone can do the exact same thing. Grandma baked cream puffs and blackberry tarts; around the same time, me and mom were playing Super Nintendo. Grandma used to buy me my video games, but mom knew how to play 'em! Dad knew how to pull a dent out of our family's Taurus, but Grandpa cooked the most gourmet clam sauce anyone in the San Fernando Valley had ever tasted.

That doesn't qualify one over the other; it's just that my dad worked on cars, and Grandpa was a chef. My dad's LS Nova is one of the best compact muscle cars I've ever seen, but his old A-Body had better interior features. I mean, you can't hook-up with a girl who looks good and cooks; it's a balancing act.

My hope with karting at MB2's is that it will help me to reinforce that very thought pattern. First, I couldn't drive without smashing into a wall, then I started driving, but slowly. Currently, I have a 31.5-second lap time; when I first started, it was closer to a minute.

Power of the human will? Could be, but if karting has taught me anything, it's that the real disability is mental. But there's another thing I've learned that I hope to take with me to my grave: You really want to hurt someone else's feelings, take them out on a race track and tap the brake pedal halfway through a straightaway; nothing says "cold vengeance" like tail lights in a drag race. You may not learn everything in high school auto, but that's one lesson about motoring that sure is served to you, by the time you're a teenager, on a silver plate.

Guys with fast cars like to talk; let's get some score sheets, and if you're going to play with another person's emotions, do it with stats, not blows...